How many of you watched the series finale of How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) last night? Did you like it? I’ve seen some very strong, mixed reviews on the finale. Some people loved Ted going after Robin, while others were super pissed that we watched 9 seasons of a show to only get a glimpse of the mother (Tracy- finally, a name!). I fall in between. I’m a dreamer. Love love. However, I’m also practical. A realist. This combination makes for interesting takes on shows like HIMYM.
On one hand, I wish Barney and Robin had stayed together, Tracy would have lived, and it all would have ended with them playing cards on the porch as old men and ladies. Because television isn’t real life, that’s how I would have preferred it to end. However, television isn’t real life. Instead, divorce happened. Death happened. And after years of wanting Robin and getting his heart broken by Robin, Ted goes after her yet again.
I believe that at the end of the series, we were left with one large, gaping question. Who was Ted’s one, true love? It seems like for nine seasons, he was constantly trying to win Robin. However, he eventually settled down, fell in love, married, and made a family with Tracy. We were made to believe that this whole thing was about the mother.
(Note: I believe the entire show was summarized in the daughter’s comments in the last 3 minutes of the show. She said, “Dad, this whole thing wasn’t about how you met our mother. It was about how you loved Aunt Robin.”)
The question I think makes the biggest difference on your opinion of the finale is- do you believe in “The One?” You know what I mean- the idea that we all walk around and date around in search of our one. The one who we are supposed to be with, the only one that is capable of being our spouse and lifetime partner, the one who makes everyone else appear to be lacking.
I actually had this conversation about a week ago with girl in my small group. We’re a mixed group of married and single, but meet together each Tuesday for Biblical discussion and fellowship. One of the girls asked me if I believed in “The One, ” and I answered her honestly- no. (This probably is the reason why I liked the finale of HIMYM. My biggest dislike was the Robin and Barney got divorced one episode after the wedding.)
(Note: Please keep reading. We can agree to disagree if you happen to believe in “The One.” We can still be friends In fact, there were several women in my group that disagreed with me.)
Here are my reasons for not believing in “The One:”
1. We have free will. I believe that whoever you marry/date/love is your choice. Although, as a Believer, I do know that God isn’t surprised by your choice; He also doesn’t force your hand. Psalm 139 says that God knit me together in my mother’s womb and knows me. He knows all the days of my life. However, God also gives us the freedom to make our own decisions. We ultimately make the choice to follow Christ and commit our lives to Him (Note: I am not taking a stance on predestination here. Message me separately if you want to go there). God doesn’t force us to all come to Him. Does he desire us to? Yes. Does he want what’s best for us? Yes. But he doesn’t play that game. He let Adam and Eve sin in the garden; He lets us choose our mate.
2. Marriage was created for us. We were not created for marriage. Going back to Psalm 139- one thing you don’t see is “God knit you in your mother’s womb. He knows all the days of your life, including who you will marry.” That’s bonkers! We serve a God whose mission is SO MUCH GREATER THAN a marriage. We have the purpose and command to love God and make Him known, spread the gospel to the ends of the Earth. We can do that as singles or couples. Our purpose isn’t to be married. It is to spread the knowledge and love of the Lord. If we fall into the trap of thinking that our marriage is our end all and be all, then I worry that we will become so focused on ourselves that we will miss the point.
(Note: This isn’t saying that marriage isn’t a good thing. It ABSOLUTELY is. It is for our holiness. Having JRB as my spouse has transformed my faith in innumerable ways. He encourages me, teaches me, humbles me, and displays Christ to me. What I’m trying to say is that we should work on our marriages. We should spend time together and be head over hills for one another. However, we pursue one another to display the gospel. Even our marriages have a greater purpose.And you can fulfill that purpose without a spouse)
3. Being “The One” is too much pressure for anyone. The idea of being JRB’s “One” makes me crumble. If I am truly his “One,” then why do I screw it up so often? Shouldn’t his “One” make him happier and more alive than I do sometimes? Also, if I flip the script and now JRB is my “One,” I would also crumble. Anytime he hurt my feelings or left his clothes laying in the floor for the 1,293,478,283 time, I would wonder if I made the right choice. You see, the connotation of “The One” is perfection. It’s perfect love, perfect life, and pure happiness all the time. Anytime you get anything less than perfection, you’d be left wondering if your spouse was, in fact, your One. Friends, that is NOT what a marriage is, and JRB and I found that out day 2 (ok, maybe day 1) of marriage.
I realize that this whole idea seems a bit pessimistic and definitely not romantic. Let me cheer you up.
The day you say, “I do,” your spouse becomes “The One.” No, they won’t be perfect. They’ll hurt your feelings and not fold shirts the way you do. You’ll have arguments and a dirty house. The romance is that you get to work together and work for one another for a lifetime. You know that your spouse made vows to stay with you, so you two are fully committed to pursuing one another. There’s the security in knowing that your spouse has your back when you’re grumpy or happy, silly or sad, rich or poor. Romance is commitment, and you find that on your wedding day when they transform into your “One.”
My “One” since 2012