My Escorted Trip at Target

Do things sometimes happen to you, and you think to yourself, “Surely, this doesn’t happen to anyone else out there. I’m the only freakizoid that actually encounters this.” That’s what happened yesterday.

I was driving to Alex City for a luncheon for my mom (more to come later on that), and hadn’t had breakfast. Also needing to fill my car with gas, I stopped at a RaceTrack, fueled up, and casually got a breakfast flatbread from the conjoining Subway.

(WHO GETS A SUBWAY FLATBREAD FOR BREAKFAST???? Mistake #1)

As I’m driving down the Interstate eating my flatbread with Sriracha dipping sauce…

(WHO GETS SRIRACHA DIPPING SAUCE FOR BREAKFAST WHILE DRIVING??? Mistake #2)

I have a spill. Let’s just say bright red Sriracha and mint green skinnies don’t mix.

Panicked, I call JRB and just plainly tell him that we’re about to spend some money on new pants because I CANNOT go to this luncheon with stained pants. Um, embarrassing. Since I was under a bit of a time crunch, I decided to hope and pray that Target (right off the Interstate) had some options to match my blouse and was suitable for a luncheon.

Well, they didn’t. So I opted for a long dress (mainly because I couldn’t bare the thought of exposing my bright white legs to the unbearably cold air). I took the dress to the fitting room where I found the ENTIRE Target sales force having a meeting. I’m talking roughly 20 men and women that I had to walk through.

(Note: I have this irrational fear of walk in front of people. To say the least, I almost hit the fetal position.)

Once I tried it on and decided to keep it, it I thought to myself, “I’m not going to have time to get somewhere to change, so I should just keep the dress on, but rip off the tags.”

(WHY DIDN’T I JUST BUY THE DRESS AND CHANGE IN THE BATHROOM??? Mistake #3)

So I walk out of the dressing room through the sea of Target employees holding my tags in the air softly saying, “I’m going to pay for it. I promise. (repeated over and over). ”

After I make it a good 10 yards from the meeting, a woman RUNS after me screaming, “Ma’am! Ma’am! What are you doing???” I hear the sales force snickering in the background. So I explain to her my situation, and she understands. Then she proceeds to SCREAM, “Hey I need someone to escort this woman to the front. She is going to buy the dress she just tried on and is wearing!”

(Shoot me. Just put me out of my misery.)

So I then was escorted like a criminal to the front. NOT to the normal cash registers, but to customer service right by the main doors. When I arrived, my escort, of course, couldn’t walk all the way to the cash register. She, instead, also yelled, “Hey!! Can you take her?? She is wearing the dress she just tried on and now she’s going to buy it!”

(Why don’t you just announce this over the loudspeaker??)

So, I finally got the heck out of there wearing my new dress with my former clothes bundled in my purse. I made it to the luncheon with plenty of time to spare. I’m so glad I was able to go because my mom was named Tallapoosa County Woman of the Year. What a huge honor to such a deserving woman! When I was talking to her on my way home (yes, we had just been together 2 hours and then talked on the phone), she was her ever humble self and said, “I didn’t even remember doing all that stuff.” Crazy lady, but I DO.

I remember when she went through the girls facilities and took pictures. I then remember when she also took pictures of the boys facilities and placed the pictures side by side in a book. I remember how she didn’t take her book to the board of education or administration or legal counsel, but instead to her players’ moms. I then remember months and months of selling Coca Colas and long nights of delivering Coca Colas. I also remember how those months of long nights ended up raising more than $13,000 toward the¬†improvement of the girls facilities.

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Here we are after my mom received her award. We’re so proud! Read about it here. (Yes, that is my new dress. Floor length with 3/4 sleeves. I like it.)

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