I’m 22. Typically what you think of when you think of a 22-year-old aren’t words like: wise, advice, knowledge, old, mature. However, I feel this way. You see, several months ago I picked up a new reader of Miraculous Maze. She’s a freshman at Auburn and is beginning pretty much everything I just finished. Thinking she saw me at church about a month ago, she sent me a Facebook message. Since then we’ve conversed about various things including but not limited to Auburn, Jesus, and dating.
In our latest conversation she asked me advice on dating. Who me?? Why me??? What could I possibly know about this?? But then it hit me. I’m 4 years older than her. I made it through college (only one of the best/ most frightening times of your life where you probably change more than ever). And she’s just beginning this process. Maybe I do have some tid bits of advice I can give her. I seriously doubt any of you really need this advice, but hey! It’s my post, so press on. Below is what I told her:
Advice on guys; I steer clear of “checklists” because I think they’re overly youth group and can be unrealistic when we start putting “blonde hair and 6’0″ tall” on them. However, format will look similar to a checklist. Don’t let this fool you.
1. He must love Jesus. I’m not saying that he goes to church because lots of people go to church that don’t love Jesus. I mean a man of God. One whose fruit is evident. He is a leader, is held accountable by the Bible and other fellow Christians, and is walking daily with the Lord (quiet times, prayer, small groups, etc.) This is the MOST IMPORTANT. If he doesn’t meet this standard, then he’s not worth your time (as far as a boyfriend). Is it blatantly obvious that he is following the Lord, or is there an inkling of doubt? If there is an inkling of doubt, run. Run as fast as you can.
2. He is held accountable (expanding on what I said above). I mean, does he have a support system that will get him in line when he’s in the wrong? This should look like a small group of similarly aged guys and/or a mentor. On that note, what kind of company does he keep? If he has a lot of girl friends, then that’s a red flag. If he has a solid group of guys that are outstanding, then that’s good! Typically, the company you keep now is similar to the company you’ll keep later. You don’t want to date a guy whose friends are idiots/immature/going to give him horrible advice.
3. Is he intentional with you? Does he say: Hey, we should hang sometime? Or Hey, we should go on a date. I think being black and white is the best policy. You want to know where you stand. Mr. Bierman says, “Vagueness is the mark of a coward.”
4. You need to be able to be yourself around him. If you don’t think you’ll ever reach a point where he can see you in sweat clothes and no makeup, then it’s not going the distance. (This doesn’t mean on your second date you go without makeup. I’m just saying at some point, there has to be a comfort level.)
5. Obviously being physically attracted to someone is important, but keep this in check. You don’t marry someone you have no attraction to, but beauty fades. And after a while, you don’t love someone because they’re smokin’ hot.
Happy Friday! I think that’s a good post to begin the weekend with, right? Wasn’t the 4-day week amazing??? Probably not as amazing as this guy: