You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Just listen to what all has happened to me in the last day and a half.

Last night, like all Wednesdays, was Bierman date night. It began well with an awesome dinner at Mare Sol. I got a pasta dish and had leftovers, so I had them box it up. After dinner, Josh and I went for ice cream cones at The Sugar Smith Cafe, so without thinking I put the doggy box in my purse. Well, when we got home I realized that my phone was oily. Yes, the oils from the pasta oozed into my purse and onto my phone. Now half of my screen is dulled because the oils got under the screen. Did I mention that two weeks ago I dropped my phone and shattered the upper part of the screen? Yes, so my phone’s screen is busted, dulled, and oily. Cool.

To add to the awesomeness of that situation, Miller was OFF HIS ROCKER last night and had to be put in timeout multiple times. My coughing reached a horrible level and woke up Miller and Josh. Since Miller is the ultimate FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) he went crazy and Josh took him out at around 6 a.m. I couldn’t go back to sleep (coughing uncontrollably) so I moved myself to the couch to let Josh sleep. To say the least, none of us are well rested.

This morning I finally broke down and scheduled a doctor’s appointment. After going to Human Resources to turn in my work forms and to the school to meet my teacher and class (high point of the day. they’re AWESOME), I was 5 minutes late to the doctor. Luckily, they were forgiving and gave me umpteen thousand medicines and two shots in the rear end. On the way home, I decided that I deserved Chik Fil A and not a PB&J (another high point of the day). When I returned, Miller greeted me with some urine spots on the floor AND couch (Ughhhhh!) and lots of licks on the face. Just was the doctor ordered, right?

I then realized I had a stain on my white jeans. No, I’m not making this up. I threw my jeans with other whites in the washer and decided to use some Clorox. Instead of putting the Clorox on the shelf (like I should’ve) I sat it on top of the dryer. I took Miller on a walk, and when I returned I found that the Clorox had fallen off of the dryer, losing its top and spilling all into the laundry room floor. I frantically locked Miller in a bedroom with his bone and called Josh, my mom, and my dad to figure out the best way to handle this situation. We don’t have a mop, so after wiping up all of the Clorox I had to pour glasses of water onto the floor and wipe it up to remove the Clorox residue. Unfortunately, the Clorox leaked onto the carpet right outside of the laundry room leaving bleach spots and got onto the bottom of our cloth-covered laundry baskets. This is what the aftermath looks like:

The bright side of all of this is: 1.) I got medicine, so surely I’ll feel better soon. 2.) One of these medicines is a cough syrup that will make me sleepy. NO MORE COUCH! 3.) Miller’s laundry room floor is seriously disinfected. 4.) I really like the teacher I’ll be working with, and the kiddos are hilarious, cute, and talkative. 5.) I got Chik Fil A. 6.) I’m alive.

Literally the only way for me to remain standing after all of this is to look at the itty bitty good things that have happened. Please, Friday, hurry up! It is time to go to work everyday!

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