Last night Josh and I traveled to Birmingham for a friend’s going away party. It was a super fun time with lots of great conversation and lots of great food. I made mini tacos (another Pinterest find), and although I was skeptical they got eaten. That’s the ultimate test, right? Even if I don’t think they’re that good, if others eat them then they pass the test.
On the way back Josh and I began talking and somehow a story came up about a girl (I don’t even remember who we were talking about at this point. Maybe it was some girl I don’t know?) who had a really, really terrible boyfriend early in college or high school. When Josh said that about this girl, I literally just let out a long, deep sigh and said, “Whyyyy????!!!!” I’ve reached a point where I am beyond tired of hearing about girls with messed up ex-boyfriends. Why do we do that to ourselves? Why is it that almost every girl’s testimony has some part in it where she says, “And I was in this really bad relationship,” or “He just wasn’t a good guy…” It is so far beyond what I can understand. Why, girls, do we all have to make the same mistake???
I release my frustration at the topic at Josh and pose him with the question, “How do girls get out of this cycle?” He, in his wisdom, actually offered some pretty sound advice.
1. Friends Test. How does this guy treat people that he can gain nothing from? How is his relationship with his roommates? Chances are if his roommates are like…” Well…. he’s alright. It’s going.” Then things really aren’t fine. They aren’t going. Or if your guy is constantly downing his roommates and/or friends, then something is a little messed up. Can he only be nice to people that give him things? If so, let him go. Not a good guy.
2. Groups Test. Why do we rush into one-on-one hangout time? Instead, see how this guy handles being in a group setting. Is he cordial and nice? Or does he get defensive and overbearing? I think this test is very similar to the friends test. You want to see how he handles being around people he has nothing to gain from. On a different note, if you aren’t anywhere close to marriage age (aka you’re a freshman, sophomore, junior in college) then what’s the rush to be alone? Hang out in groups so you get to know each others’ friends, and there’s no temptation to get way too serious way too fast.
3. Community Test. Christian community is very important whether you are single or dating. But it is important to have some solid community who will look after you. These are the people who are going to find out about this guy before you even go on the first date. They are also the ones who will continually check up on you through the dating process and give you TRUE opinions. What you DON’T want are friends that will say, “Oh yea, girl. He is just soooo great. We love him. It’s ok that he stood you up.” No, it’s not ok. And your friends shouldn’t love a guy who stood you up. Surround yourself with people who will act as a hedge to bad people!
I know that a few months ago, I blew some socks off with this post. And I stand by that post. Some girls do need to quit freaking out about a date. I say it all the time: If he’s a man of God, you enjoy your time with him, and you have a few similar interests…. then why in the world wouldn’t you date him? It can’t hurt! However, I fully realize that some girls jump into dating a guy before they know anything about him, and that’s why we end up with precious, awesome, Godly women terrified of relationships. Because their ex-boyfriend was a moron. I really hope that some of the advice from the hubs helps someone because I really am so saddened by the amount of girls who have been hurt! It’s time to make a stand, and date the good guys!